Month: November 2018

How important is real life?

What are we actually putting out into the world? What are we taking part in, feeding, validating, or giving our support to? If life’s made up of all the little things we do, all the ways we’re influencing others and shaping realities now and into the future, what is it we’re creating through our online actions and interactions? What kind of world are we carrying forward here?

When talking about modern technology and the impacts it’s having, it’s easy to get pulled down either the path of benefits or shortcomings: those two columns whereby we add up all the good, all the bad, and try to form an overall judgement. It’s clearly an ambivalent force, one that can work with or against us. But are we right to simply strike the plusses off against the minuses and call it even?

In many ways, tech seems to be pulling at the very threads of society and what it means to be human: challenging us to remember what matters and not get distracted by all life’s possible distractions (see Notes One). Having all society’s systems and functions redirected, deconstructed, reconfigured into this new format might be presented as essentially ‘the same’; but is that really the case?

It just seems we’re being encouraged to think that life is easy. It’s so easy to go online and do pretty much whatever you want without much tangible real-world feedback: everything’s this click away, made more integrated and ‘friendly’ every day, but our choices and actions matter just as much as they ever did.

Perhaps our choices even matter more than before? Given these systems are so much more coordinated and far-reaching than anything humanity’s previously been capable of, our actions are presumably having a wider impact than ever before. So, while it might be ‘easy’ to do these incredible things, are we actually being all that responsible in how we’re going about it?

And that’s not at all simple to answer. In part, because there are billions of us and goodness knows what everyone’s getting up to; in part because all this has developed so quickly it’s hard to get a handle on what it means and how to integrate it into our lives for the best; and in part because it often seems we’re not actively encouraged to understand so much as go with the flow (Notes Two).

But then, if all this is reshaping our lives and the world around us, is that response sufficient? Can we afford to be complacent, overwhelmed, or resigned to the realities being woven around us? What if society is indeed being pulled apart by this as we let all the infrastructures and interactions of our lives be mediated through this system with a mind of its own?

What if we let that take over all the finesse, beauty, and compassion of human civilisation? Alternatively, how might we hold our own within such a world to ensure we’re retaining awareness of and responsibility for all we’re creating?

Notes and References:

Note 1: All that’s going on around us
Note 1: Tuning out from environment
Note 1: What we know to pass on
Note 1: Desensitised to all we’re told?
Note 1: Smart to play the system?
Note 2: Concerns over how we’re living
Note 2: Does anything exist in isolation?
Note 2: Points of sale as powerful moments
Note 2: Will novelty ever wear off?

Related to this, Ideas that tie things together and The power of understanding both looked at trying to make sense of life in purposeful ways.

Ways to share this:

Who should we trust?

One of the biggest questions in life might be who to trust. Life’s essentially navigating things wisely: understanding situations, being aware of risks, responding well to whatever you meet. Whether we’re talking about everyday living or more heightened realities, there’s this sense in which we need to trust in some sort of information or guidance.

But, perhaps now more than ever, it’s becoming more difficult to see who’s trustworthy. With over a million opinions online, you can pretty much find confirmation or encouragement for whatever you want to believe. In that scenario, truth can seem impossible to find.

We might hope that we’ll find a voice we’re confident trusting, but things can sound reasonable when they aren’t and sometimes truth is spoken quietly. People are now so skilled in arguing, presenting their case, applying pressure in various ways to get others to believe them or follow their paths. At times it seems like a sport, this ‘winning people over’.

Beneath all that though, what is it we’re seeking? Is this about personal victory, making others agree, pushing agendas, or giving people enough information to decide for themselves? How much trust, truth and transparency are there within our conversations? (Notes One)

These days, it’s so difficult to know who can be listened to or trusted. Behind all the social or, increasingly, commercial masks people wear, it’s not easy to separate the functions from those who fill them. Are people speaking as themselves or voicing another agenda? Are they imparting neutral information with the intent of fleshing out another’s understanding, or attempting to paint their own conclusions in the other’s space?

If life’s a reality we have to understand – a bigger picture, if you will – then conceivably our ideas are the mental landscape we’re creating, maintaining and correcting through the course of our lives? Youth hopefully makes a reasonable initial sketch with the help of family, community, culture, education; and then society, media, life itself starts filling out the details (Notes Two).

It does seem that life might be viewed as this hidden landscape of headlands and dangers we’re all striving to uncover. This sense in which life, in all its complexities, contains truth in some form: all the realities of history, personal existence, social construction forming this world we’re all living within. It might not be quite what we were told or expected, but it’s there.

Perhaps, then, the voices we encounter are attempting to serve as beacons, as lighthouses or, possibly, sirens. All this guidance, advice and warning telling us something about the world and how others have seen and responded to it.

Newspapers offer us overviews based on their perspective and interpretation. Political parties, and the governments they form, take a specific view in the solutions they propose and values they’re prioritising. Activism, in all its valuable forms, sheds light on specific problems to raise awareness around those.

Learning to ‘read’ all that, see beyond appearances or potential illusions, and discern the best paths seems a very personal endeavour.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Leaders & sheep led by a lion
Note 1: Fear or coercion as motivators
Note 1: Attempts to influence
Note 1: Freedom, what to lean on & who to believe
Note 1: The power of understanding
Note 2: Value in being informed
Note 2: Obligations and contributions
Note 2: Playing with fire?
Note 2: Respect, rebellion & renovation
Note 2: Cutting corners

The idea of roles we play, ways we seek to make an impression, was the subject of Masks we all wear.

Ways to share this:

Passivity, or responsibility

Conversations around responsibility are often interesting: are we talking about looking back and assigning a form of blame; looking forward and saddling people with a sense of foreboding; or placing them in the present with empowering, but realistic, expectations of their capacity?

If we’re looking back, it’s pretty much a given that we’re going to find imperfection. To my eyes, life’s often a path from ignorance to understanding as we learn from mistakes to correct those things we didn’t know (see Notes One). Western thinking apparently wants to look back and see only cause for pride – life as an unbroken chain of our perfect efforts – but realities seem more flawed.

In that light, do we resign ourselves to letting the past dictate our future? Is that past, the things it set in motion, something we cannot alter through admission of error or new perspective? Is the ego too fragile or sense of vengeance too strong to allow anyone to step out from an imperfect past and make something good from lessons learnt the hard way?

As I said, it’s just interesting. Because it applies across the board in life: personally, socially, collectively we’re in all these situations that have a past that’s often somewhat questionable. Decisions were made based on the best understanding of the time; plans might’ve been put in place, hoping to guide things wisely; then, reality played itself out.

Within all that there’s so much scope for error. In big or little ways these things can drift off track through how people came to interact with them, things that might’ve been overlooked, or new realities such solutions are having to contend with. We’re then left in these flawed situations that, arguably, someone’s responsible for.

If that’s the case, what’s the right response? The past effectively put us here; through our fault or someone else’s. If it’s ours, do we write ourselves off as incapable? If theirs, do we leave it in their hands and suffer through the imperfection? The one who does something generally risks being made responsible so, logically, we might be better off doing nothing. At least then we can’t be blamed.

But where does that lead? Fears of being mistaken or held accountable seem to risk dependency or passivity, where we might claim it’s not our problem. Leaving things to others, to ‘professionals’ or the protection of consumer relationships, we can avoid that risk of responsibility and rest ‘safely’ behind inaction. Life itself then incapacitates us: initiative becomes strangled by fear if we don’t attempt anything new.

Life’s surely a set of systems we all play our part in (Notes Two). And thought’s funny in that it doesn’t always help us find the right paths (Notes Three). But while we mightn’t have caused the situations we find ourselves in, not taking ownership of them seems to tap on the door of human agency and responsibility. Remaining passive, we might avoid accountability; but, as a link in the chain, does that help make anything better?

Notes and References:

Note 1: Starting over in life
Note 1: Making adjustments
Note 1: The dignity & power of a human life
Note 1: Dealing with imperfection
Note 2: Interdependency
Note 2: Having boundaries
Note 2: Finding flaws
Note 3: The philosopher stance
Note 3: Strange arrogance of thought
Note 3: Codes of behaviour

Ways to share this:

Ideas that tie things together

Unintentionally, a fair few of my recent posts have been circling in on ideas around understanding – this sense in which our minds attempt to keep pace with reality, hopefully making sense of things and finding constructive ways forward (see Notes One). Understanding being one of the main capacities that sets us apart as humans, it’s perhaps not unreasonable to ask how well it’s holding up against modern living.

As beings capable of thought, it’s intriguing to consider what we make of life: how everything’s passing into our minds, creating our sense of meaning, guiding our ideas of how to be. All the ways we’re receiving feedback around what we’re doing, what it means for others, the impacts we’re having and value we’re bringing to life through our presence.

It just seems, in a way, that life flows through us. Over time, developing into these trends or threads: areas of human endeavour and expertise; shared insights, breakthroughs, or battles; this pooled history of experience and meaning we can all dip into. It’s surely this process of understanding? Of coming to know, appreciate, value and relate ourselves to what’s gone before, and learning to stand within that (Notes Two).

Then, we come across those challenges that seem fairly unique to modern humanity: navigating the application of technology; maintaining true relationship within this illusion of heightened connectivity; seeing what’s really going on, the effect we’re having, and how that might shift the ‘bigger picture’ of our lives together on earth; finding our place within it all (Notes Three).

In so many ways, modern life can seem ‘less real’ while simultaneously creating global impacts on levels never before possible. Wrapping our heads around the nature of those realities, the very real impacts our almost deceptively easy online actions are having, is quite a feat for the imagination: to bear in mind all those consequences we’re causing but never really seeing.

It’s interesting how much has been taken off our hands and made easy, invisible, and careless. These fickle, surging trends that now sweep the globe, leaving us musing over what’s left in their wake. It seems we struggle to lift our understanding of it much beyond ‘recognition’ – a cataloguing of what’s happening rather than a concerted, coherent response.

Modern trends of communication and innovation are clearly shaking up all that went before: disrupting traditions, established institutions and patterns of behaviour. There was presumably meaning and intention in those things? Each culture’s evolved responses to life’s challenges. We’d achieved some level of understanding, then the tornado of modern life swept through.

And perhaps that’s simply exciting: fresh air, blowing the cobwebs away, casting new light on how things have been. But, of course, it’s going to be confronting. Did we understand fully? Have we been passing on the right things? Can we relate to those who’ve taken different paths, with different ideas?

Is it still possible to understand life in such a way that all this makes sense and we can find purpose within it?

Notes and References:

Note 1: The power of understanding
Note 1: If society’s straining apart, what do we do?
Note 1: Can we manage all-inclusive honesty?
Note 1: Making adjustments
Note 2: The dignity & power of a human life
Note 2: Meaning within it all
Note 3: Working through mind & society
Note 3: All that’s going on around us
Note 3: Cutting corners

This also reminds me of Intrinsic values on the paths for change? which asked questions around the insight and motivation of our actions.

Ways to share this:

Matt Haig’s “Notes on a Nervous Planet”

The fairly recent increase in awareness and willingness to discuss the realm of mental health might be one of the brighter lights shining within all the difficulties of modern living. With so much going on that’s difficult to grasp and figure out responses to, investing energy into understanding our minds and the effect life’s having on them seems invaluable.

As part of that, this year’s “Notes on a Nervous Planet” by Matt Haig is a noteworthy contribution. His having lived through and battled toward an understanding of the mental challenges and obstacles of living within modern society has given him hard-won insight and clarity into the workings of the mind and its delicate relationships with reality, existence, and the sense of ourselves.

Taking a deliberately fragmented route through the various problems being thrown up by technology, social media, politics, news, consumerism, and other sources of overwhelm we’re all facing, Haig’s focusing in on what we might make of it all – how best to interact, filter, and determine how we let these things into our precious inner worlds.

And it’s surely one of the most important things to get our heads around? This sense of how the world’s affecting us, of trying to see what’s going on and where the potential risks might be. Rather than charging on and assuming it’ll all be fine, listening to those raising concerns – from within industries themselves or those already experiencing difficulties – seems sensible.

There are many things I genuinely love about this book. How it’s somewhat disjointed yet also clearly organised. That it’s broad and well-informed, but extremely accessible and easy to read. Its conversational tone, striking a rare balance between despair, humour and disarming perspicacity. It’s cutting to the quick of so many modern problems, while remaining curiously optimistic and constructive.

Depression and anxiety are some of life’s darker subjects (“I either needed a new me. Or a new planet. And I didn’t yet know how to find either. Which is why I felt suicidal”), but perhaps that’s partly the mind seeking sense in a dark world (“how can we live in a mad world without ourselves going mad?”). Reality raises hard questions, and establishing balance between honesty and hope is something Haig navigates well.

If the mind and sense of self arise, somehow, through our complex interactions with the world around us, it’s conceivable to view mental difficulties, at least in part, as developmental or environmental concerns (Notes One). Taking such a broad view, unpicking the threads flowing through our individual and shared lives, contemplating the influences acting upon us at a relentless pace is a daunting and admirable task.

Finding the right attitude toward genuine and serious problems is perhaps one of life’s greatest lessons, both personally and socially. It’s something Matt Haig’s clearly spent time grappling with, and I’m truly grateful he’s managed to articulate it this eloquently, powerfully and humorously. Sometimes in life the best you might hope for is to feel a little less alone with such truths.

Notes and References:

“Notes on a Nervous Planet” by Matt Haig, (Canongate, Edinburgh), 2018.

Note 1: How it feels to be alive
Note 1: “Ecological Intelligence”
Note 1: Working through mind & society
Note 1: David Bohm, thoughts on life
Note 1: Conversation as revelation
Note 1: “Paradox of Choice”
Note 1: We’re all vulnerable

Ways to share this:

The power of understanding

With this writing, and with life in general, I’m often just trying to understand – to reach a point where ignorance, the lack of understanding, disperses and truth becomes clear. As if it were possible to dissolve all differences, all the confusion or misunderstanding, and get to a place where it all makes sense. A place where everything fits. Like a cosmic jigsaw puzzle of a picture we don’t yet know.

And I know that’s weird. Like some philosophical throwback or out-of-step seeker in a time where modernity’s wanting to sweep us along in its wake. It’s as if we’re no longer supposed to seek meaning, despite our highly cognitive nature. Personally, I struggle to imagine life without it.

Is there not meaning to society, to the relationships it establishes between us through economic or cultural realities? Is there not meaning to the individual, to those things that’ve shaped and made us who we are? Is there not meaning to the lives we lead, the choices we make, the impacts we’re having on the world and the people around us? Is all that not painting a picture we might seek to understand? (Notes One)

Modern life zips along at such a pace that the retort of simply not having time for such contemplation actually holds quite a lot of weight. It’s true. It’s far easier and more efficient to cut away those things we don’t understand or relate to, all those ways of being or thinking you’d rather not have around, that don’t fit with your idea of yourself or the life you want to lead. We can cull. We can curate and edit our lives to perfection.

Which is what it is. Human minds, and hearts, may have limited capacity. Perhaps we have to make choices in order to survive the onslaught of all that’s around us. In that light, it’s logical to choose what suits us and the life we hope to create. It’s focussing in on a small area, on our section of things, and working there. But then, do those sections join together? Are they compatible? Do they even fit at all? Does it matter?

I don’t know. It just seems to me that we’re all humans, carrying all this meaning within ourselves, encountering meaning in the world, and seeking meaning through the lives we lead (Notes Two). Everyone has those dreams of love, acceptance, belonging, recognition, understanding. Dreams of being held in the hearts and minds of others; respectfully valued for who they are and what they bring to the table.

Living in a way that’s inclusive of every single one of us is undeniably an incredible challenge, especially now the world’s so deeply interconnected in all these modern ways. How can we live this way while bearing in mind all the impacts we’re having? Is it even possible to remain consciously aware of all that it means without becoming quite paralysed in our actions?

But, what does it really mean to give up on understanding?

Notes and References:

Note 1: Relating to one another
Note 1: How we feel about society
Note 1: Meaning in culture
Note 2: Value and worth in our relationships
Note 2: Counselling, listening & social identity
Note 2: Seeing, knowing and loving
Note 2: The way to be

Finding meaning in what arises from the conversation between us and the world was also the thinking behind Working through mind & society.

Ways to share this:

Finding flaws

It’s such an intriguing thought to think that graphite and diamond are made of essentially the same substance, simply arranged differently, having a different backstory. How it’s only their differences at a structural level that create their divergent forms and qualities: one of the softest minerals or one of the hardest and most prized. It’s quite beautiful really, that the basic stuff of life can take such different paths.

The way that fundamental choices such as the bonds we make might make all the difference to outcomes. That time, heat and pressure can paradoxically produce something immensely strong, beautiful and valuable. There seems a lot of meaning there – many lessons we could take away from the wisdom nature offers us (see Notes One).

Carbon being one of these essential building blocks of life, it’s quite amazing to think how versatile it is and all the ways it sustains and enriches our existence. Science can seem a little complex and pedantic sometimes, but at its core there’s almost this beautiful poetry around the truths of matter, time, and relationships formed.

In many ways, existence can seem strangely beautiful on that level: how we’re all, inexplicably, here and alive and made of these substances in near-constant flux. The materials that make up life shifting in and out of different forms as they take this dance between night and day, summer and winter, warmth and cold; building up the changes over the years, the centuries, the eons of time.

We can get so caught up in all the differences, all the labels and divisions we, as humans, have created and sustained over the lifetimes; the accumulated history, meaning, cause and consequence of our time here on earth. The civilisations that’ve risen and fallen, the things we’ve learnt and passed on, building on the shoulders of what’s gone before. We carry a lot of weight, it seems, from that past (Notes Two).

And it’s incredible to think, really, the lives we’ve built for ourselves: all the advancement in knowledge and complexity of understanding; all the richness of human institutions in their pursuit of justice, wisdom, progress. It’s amazing to think of all that’s gone into the leaps that’ve been made in recent centuries, and the relative security and cooperation that’s been prioritised and brokered between us all.

Of course, none of that’s perfect. In all these areas, we might try our best; but agreeing over what’s best or what’s acceptable is never going to be easy (Notes Three). People have different agendas, different priorities, different views on life. We all have our history, standing on different sides of different battles over the years, impacted in different ways. Agreeing on one thing can be hard; agreeing on everything might seem impossible.

But it’s intriguing to wonder what is possible, what we might be able to pull together from the building blocks of matter and humanity. What we’re doing here, how we’re relating to what’s around us? All that can seem to hold great potential sometimes.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Aesthetic value of nature
Note 1: Nature speaks in many ways, do we listen?
Note 2: Does anything exist in isolation?
Note 2: Freedom, what to lean on & who to believe
Note 3: The philosopher stance
Note 3: Dealing with imperfection
Note 3: Starting over in life

Ways to share this:

Making adjustments

Having talked at times here about how thought lines up with realities (Notes One), I’m still finding it interesting to contemplate how exactly our ideas might find their way to changing how things are.

The topic of affecting change, of bringing improvement to our lives together, seems such a huge preoccupation of our times (Notes Two). And rightly so. Modern life’s bringing new awareness to all the ways we’ve impacted one another over the years; alongside which, new ways of living are simultaneously creating further impacts we’re still getting our heads around.

Understanding what’s happening and why, grasping both the intentions behind things and the realities being created, seeing the bigger picture then somehow making sense of it, all of this becomes incredibly hard once dialled up to a frenetic global pace. If you manage it, the question of how best to respond takes things to another level yet again (Notes Three).

And, with all that, it just seems to me that we live in a flawed reality that’s arisen from originally quite fine intentions. Perhaps any society tends to arise from its best understanding? Those central principles and values that are working themselves out within our common space of agreement, history, commitment, and coordinated activity.

Following that thread, where do we end up? Once ideas have become social forms, once they’ve been peopled by our lives, once that’s picked up speed and scope with the aid of technological advancement, where do we find ourselves? If the ideas were perfect, presumably they’d be able to withstand the challenges that came through those global advancements and the forces they’ve unleashed. But whose ideas are that perfect?

In that light, it seems life must almost become a place of constant adjustment as we bring the unknown to light and offer it release. I mean, life’s surely a process of misunderstandings or imperfections being brought to light? A path of growth or progress. A journey toward greater understanding of what it is to be human and how we might best accommodate that personally, socially or environmentally.

If we’re not open to changing our views as our understanding expands, presumably we’ll be forever fighting against reality? In terms of our attitudes toward others or with regard to impacts our actions are having systemically on humans or within nature, at times it seems we’re pretty slow to change our minds. As if we’re passing on rigid rules and expectations rather than a living understanding that can bend or grow over time.

Why is it we’re reluctant to re-evaluate inherited patterns of behaviour? It doesn’t seem we really have an evolving model of thought; one that can adjust along with the revelations of reality to correct its course in achieving or reworking those original principles of society. This sense in which we need to know what we’re doing, so that we can work with it in a living way and bring it into our understanding of others (Notes Four).

Perhaps greater understanding would bring greater flexibility?

Notes and References:

Note 1: Thoughts on art & on life
Note 1: What is real?
Note 1: David Bohm, thoughts on life
Note 2: How things change
Note 2: Dealing with imperfection
Note 3: Common knowledge
Note 3: All that’s going on around us
Note 3: Dystopia as a powerful ideal
Note 3: Does anything exist in isolation?
Note 3: What holds it all together
Note 4: Conversation as revelation
Note 4: Seeing, knowing and loving

Looking at these questions in different ways, there’s Things change, over time and “Women who run with the wolves”.

Ways to share this:

Interdependency

We might live in a time that’s prizing independence above all else, but in so many ways all our lives are interconnected. Socially as much as economically we’re all part of the same systems; all our choices and actions impacting others in both big and little ways. With all that serving to make up the realities of our lives, perhaps independence is a strange kind of illusion.

Of course, we’re essentially independent actors, free to make our own decisions. That’s seemingly the thinking of the West: bringing everything down to the individual, to their free choices within the systems surrounding them (see Notes One). Much of the recent change within society seems, in a way, a heightening of that atomisation and isolation through the applications of technology.

It’s a very specific philosophy of life, this individualisation. Historically, people were generally tied into more communal relationships: bonds of obligation, security, trust, cooperation, and support of various kinds. Our interdependence was evident, known, and perhaps appreciated for the value it brought to community (Notes Two).

And it’s interesting to think that those ties were once more tangible, more consciously lived and known; because now it seems everything comes down to money. Our relationships, security and power can generally be reduced to financial terms; with personal economic realities often the product of early life and the position we find ourselves in.

So, while the West has admirable aims of rendering everyone more equal and free through its social and economic systems, is it partly obscuring the fact all life is based on relationship? You can make people systemically more independent, those relationships more coldly transactional, but the web of our interconnectedness remains.

We’re still humans existing within natural, social, and international relationships. Overlaying that, systems of politics, trade and culture might give us shared interests and concerns; but beneath it lie these highly complex connections of action, meaning, intention, and accumulated consequences on every level (Notes Three).

While the nature and extent of those ties might be more complicated than anything humans have encountered before, they’re still the same kinds of realities: practical needs essential to life; social or emotional ties that give lives meaning; ideological perspectives that guide our choices. All that might be working itself out through virtual channels, but it’s just as ‘real’.

I’m not really sure anyone fully understands the systems we’re now living within: these free-flowing, fast-moving waves, trends and patterns of behaviour. Everything’s related, but moving at such a pace it’s impossible to pin down the causality of it all. We might turn to original notions of sovereignty, self-sufficiency, and social structure but there’s perhaps not such great correlation with what we’re seeing around us.

Our world of ideas, relationship and responsibility has transcended national boundaries in beautiful ways that cannot be wound back. And, within that, our independent choices surely matter – the relationships we forge, intentions we carry, and impacts we have – but maybe it’s worth becoming more aware of how exactly it’s all coming together?

Notes and References:

Note 1: The conversation of society
Note 1: Concerns over how we’re living
Note 2: Economy & Humanity
Note 2: Obligations and contributions
Note 2: What holds it all together
Note 3: Does anything exist in isolation?
Note 3: All that’s going on around us

Ways to share this:

“How to win friends…”

Dipping into the classic “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, published by Dale Carnegie in 1936 alongside his hugely successful personal development courses, it’s fascinating to realise how much people value skill and insight within their relationships.

Much as life might be about money, security and power, it’s clearly also about social connection. That there was such an appetite for greater interpersonal awareness within the field of adult education is intriguing; as if this were perhaps overlooked in youth, taken for granted rather than actively passed on, or that life itself were demanding more from people.

But then, these things can seem deceptively easy: we’re born into physical existence, there are generally people around us, we learn to communicate somehow, and then we’re muddling our way through relationships with varying degrees of insight, awareness or skill. I’d imagine many people might reach the point of stepping back to realise they didn’t know as much about this as they’d thought or hoped.

Even before we were catapulted into the murky, poorly-defined world of modern technology, it’s conceivable our frameworks for communication might’ve been a little tired, flawed or unexamined. Knowing how to relate – reach beyond the boundary of our own existence, experience, understanding to confidently encounter others – is something to learn if life’s to run smoothly (see Notes One).

And, as far as books on communication skills go, this one stands up fairly well to the passing of time. The essentials of human nature perhaps don’t age? The forms things are taking clearly do, but the essence of what it means to relate might be timeless.

As humans hoping to benefit from communal ties, the need to ‘get along’ has arguably always been there. Social structures and conventions may’ve once held things fairly tightly; whereas these days we’re facing quite a free-for-all. Which is great. But I would’ve thought it necessitates a pretty high level of understanding and skill to navigate well? And, how we define ‘well’ might matter a lot.

Carnegie’s guidance drifts from fundamentals of ‘handling people’ and being likeable, through to winning others to your way of thinking or leading them toward change. While I’ve discussed my reservations around persuasion or coercion elsewhere, these are undeniably some core functions of communication that we perhaps need to make peace with (Notes Two).

“Give honest and sincere appreciation”. “Encourage others to talk about themselves”. “Show respect for the other person’s opinions”. To modern minds, these might seem formulas for subservient listening; but, if everyone did so, presumably that balances out? Equally, the weight Carnegie gave to notions of respect, honesty and sincerity may seem anachronistic or calculated; but maybe they’re hallmarks of genuine relationship.

If life gives us our ideas, and ideas make their ways through words into the lives of others, then learning to approach that so relationships and the sharing of ideas can be healing revelations rather than confronting attacks seems so incredibly important. Approaching each other with mutual interest, respect, and compassion might be quite essential.

Notes and References:

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, (Simon & Schuster), 1936.

Note 1: Seeing, knowing and loving
Note 1: Mirrors we offer one another
Note 1: Relating to one another
Note 2: Conversation as revelation
Note 2: Attempts to influence
Note 2: What we bring to life
Note 2: The way to be

Ways to share this: