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Common sense as a rare & essential quality

How much do we truly, deeply understand the way things work? The way they fit together and the kind of thinking and action needed to ensure everything runs smoothly, safely and harmoniously for us all. Life can sometimes seem like a complicated mass of never-ending rules, opinions and expectations; separating the essential from the non-essential can seem an almost impossible task.

It’d be interesting to see all society’s guidelines pulled together into one document – all the formal and informal, timeless or ephemeral things we’re supposed to know about. Maybe, in part, that’s the internet? Every body placing therein their views, injunctions and advice for how to go about living. Arguably, everything’s there; but finding what’s valuable within it’s becoming increasingly difficult.

Everyone clearly has their view on life: the lessons they took firmly to heart in youth and structured their lives by; the insights gathered in the course of living that they now know to be incredibly important; the voices of others they believe and closely adhere to. We all have our ideas of what life’s about – a worldview we feel comprehensive enough to be trustworthy (Notes One).

Within all that, there’s presumably a little book called “common sense”. And it’s funny, because it sounds so simple and we might throw the term around as if it’s an easy thing to come by – as if we’re practically born with it – but is that actually true?

It’s not uncommon to hear muttered in conclusion, “Well, that’s just common sense”. As if some things aren’t really worth considering; we can just cast them onto the “dealt with” pile as no one would be foolish enough not to grasp the basics. It comes across as quite a dismissive attitude, to my ears – this sense that any form of logic, reason or understanding can be so casually discounted as beneath us.

I understand, of course, that it’s just language. It’s probably a term that arose to encompass all those things that fall beneath formal, disciplined learning – the bedrock of having a basic grasp of life, society, people, relationships, and how these interact. This fundamental awareness we all need of how things fit together, our agency within them, and ways we might impact others for better or worse.

Isn’t it the essential foundation for society? If we’re to live alongside one another, having a “sense” for how to share all we have in common – systems, resources, space – must be something society truly needs of us (Notes Two). If we lack that, acting purely out of self-interest without a thought of “what if everyone did this?”, communal life will presumably be sorely tested.

Which is probably my point: common sense might seem easy in our eyes, but isn’t it too important to disregard as being too obvious to discuss respectfully? Assuming people know and appreciate the value of “the basics” seems, perhaps, a recipe for disaster. Failing to reinforce or underline the importance of any kind of thinking surely risks it falling out of common usage.

Notes and References:

Note 1: The sense of having a worldview
Note 1: Knowledge, capacity & understanding
Note 1: All we want to do passes through community
Note 1: Which voice can we trust?
Note 2: Contracts, social or commercial
Note 2: Any escape from cause & consequence?
Note 2: Society as an imposition?

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Emotion and culture’s realities

Emotion’s something we almost all have, tucked away somewhere or displayed up quite close to the surface. It’s probably one of our defining traits as humans: that we not only think but also feel about the life we’re living. Between timeless subconscious fears, emotions accompanying memory, and those tracking back ahead of future uncertainties we likely all have quite strong rivers of feeling merging within us in the present moment.

It’s a beautiful thing, that life should affect us emotionally – how it’s not just the cool head but also the warm heart that responds to the experience of being human. We empathise, sympathise, share in, and act out of concern for the inner lives of others. We can place ourselves in their shoes, consider how they’re feeling, and relate in ways that help not harm their path through life.

These days, much seems so cold, calculating and inhuman. Even our human encounters can come across as transactional and devoid of genuine warmth. For some reason it seems we’re approaching everything with the mind’s logic; confidently deconstructing and labelling others’ experiences, intentions and struggles with our own sense of what it all means and what should be done (Notes One).

We seem to be living in quite cerebral ways – everything run past the logic of the mind, as if that thinking should be guiding the heart. But, not to downplay the importance of clear, creative thinking in the slightest, the question of how best it relates to feeling doesn’t exactly seem clean cut (Notes Two). Should the heart be “allowed” to do as it pleases, even at the cost of reason itself?

It’s interesting to consider how we go about “being human”. Feeling’s a useful way of approaching life: letting things come to us in that human, compassionate, emotive form. But it can also billow up in seemingly uncontrollable, overwhelming waves that threaten our ability to keep a cool head rather than respond to its churning pull. Whether the head or heart “wins out” maybe some sort of ageless question.

And, in many ways, modern life seems pretty good at bringing something new to the table in terms of emotion’s realities. We seem to be talking more, breaking old conventions, acknowledging the difficulty of managing feelings. The inner life is much more laid bare, much more acceptable for the reality that it is. Seeing something, letting it be, finding the words to talk about it all seem so very important (Notes Three).

But then, what do we do with it for the best? Should we dial up emotion, live into it, really make a “self” out of it? The past might have relegated it to a stifled, repressed existence, but does that mean we should swing to the other extreme and let it all out? (Notes Four)

Finding the “right place” for emotion – channelling it to become a powerful source of wise intelligence for how we’re living – must be pretty crucial in responding well to all life’s inevitably throwing at us.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Frameworks of how we relate
Note 1: Strange arrogance of thought
Note 1: Humans, judgement & shutting down
Note 2: Working through mind & society
Note 2: How it feels to be alive
Note 2: Living as an open wound
Note 2: And, how much can we care?
Note 3: Complication of being human
Note 3: Does being alone amplify things?
Note 3: Conversation as revelation
Note 4: Overwhelm and resignation
Note 4: It resonates, but should it be amplified
Note 4: Living your life through a song
Note 4: Playing with fire?

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People, roles, reading that rightly

Can we separate people from their roles? In every area of life – workplace, community, relationships, society itself – aren’t we always playing some kind of role? We assume these parts, act consistently, and, doing so, make up the complex realities of all our lives. “Everything” is perhaps, at its core, an interwoven picture of all the roles we’re agreeing to take on.

Some we’re given at birth – looks, health, early life, socio-economic standing, basic demeanour are just some of the things effectively “handed to us” as we emerge into the world. Others we might adopt ourselves, because they seem to fit or we feel they’ll serve us somehow. Around every human there seem to be all these masks we’re wearing (Notes One).

And the drama of life perhaps just plays out on those terms? Different masks carry with them different degrees of power and status, affording their wearer the delightful advantage of how others then respond to their presence. Whether we’re talking about cultural ideas of beauty and style or the weight of socio-economic realities, there’s this sense in which we’re each assigned a place.

Is it possible to move beyond that, to see it for what it is? Isn’t it some form of illusion? Beneath it all, aren’t people simply people? Isn’t a lot of “this” simply inherited and undeserved? Isn’t “what we make of things” ultimately more telling?

The psychology’s fascinating – how is it we’re taught to feel about ourselves? Society has its history, all these stories and the qualities they supposedly portray, this strange pride or shame at paths each country has followed into the present day. We all carry such “baggage”. All this stereotyping, branding and spin we’re constantly dragging into the present and projecting onto the future (Notes Two).

Isn’t it all a picture of “what we value”? The narratives of economics and culture seem, in many ways, to be a conversation about values in either of those two realms (Notes Three). And certain roles or positions in life are seemingly more valued than others – placed up on a pedestal, deferred to, and given great power within society.

What on earth does it mean, though? Why do we assign meaning, value or worth and relate to one another this way? Maybe, as humans, we need some code or sense of meaning in order to understand reality and apply ourselves within it. But, is this the right one? Is this the best way to be looking at people, judging status and deciding how to act?

Society clearly assigns to some more prestigious roles than others (Notes Four). Those who labour, tend and nurture seem less valued for their work than those who direct, manage or set projects in motion. But aren’t those the roles that keep things going by sustaining environments, relationships and assets? Isn’t it possible we’ve underestimated the value of all we’re bringing to life?

Could we come to see the truth of who we are, what we’re doing, and what it all means differently?

Notes and References:

Note 1: Masks we all wear
Note 1: Letting go of “who you are”
Note 1: At what point are we just humans?
Note 2: Stories that bind us
Note 2: Personal archaeology
Note 2: Seeing, knowing and loving
Note 3: Language and values
Note 3: Mathematics of life
Note 3: Definition, expression & interpretation
Note 3: Economics & the realm of culture
Note 4: Those who are leading us
Note 4: The beauty in home economics

Beyond all this, there are then the perhaps more timeless questions explored in Absolute or relative value & Worthless, or priceless?

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Which voice can we trust?

Knowing who to trust – understanding enough of the world around you and the nature of people within it – could be life’s most important challenge. How are we to see through any lies, attempts at persuasion, well-meaning advice, and partial truths that’ve been thrown at us from the moment we arrived here?

Because, does anyone possess “the truth”? At best, we’ve probably got a version of it that makes enough sense from our perspective and fits our personal inclinations well enough. Isn’t that all we really have? The sequence of thoughts that put our own mind to rest with the compelling, reassuring or practical narrative they offered for living life by.

That’s not to say I don’t believe there “is” all-encompassing truth to be found in life, just that I’m not sure of many people who’ve yet found it. Yet, there are clearly many, many people happy to insist upon their version of absolute, unshakable truth – the world’s perhaps full of those telling us what to think, do, feel and believe.

How can we navigate that? Even if we believe all these people mean well in what they’re offering, how are we to integrate it all into a workable body of ideas to hold about “life”? Workable in the sense of this being an ongoing process of learning, overcoming obstacles and expanding our knowledge – any understanding likely being, at best, a working premise that’s holding the space for greater insight.

Within that picture, where does trust sit? Is there any perspective we can happily accept wholesale as the firm foundation for our worldview and unquestionable basis for our actions? If so, is it based on trust for the thinking involved or on some other “appeal” such as it supporting our position or not setting us against majority opinion? How do we decide what to believe?

It’s an interesting train of thought in that life’s, arguably, a reality surrounded by a world of ideas. What we think, believe and act upon in our choices, words and attitudes simply isn’t this “neutral” thing – it’s affecting the complex, interwoven realities that make the world what it is (Notes One). Our minds are, perhaps, the filters through which we’re deciding where to stand.

In that, then, who “can” we trust? People’s experiences are almost worlds apart – personal stories, wounds and concerns meaning we’ll likely take quite different meaning from very similar “realities”. How are we to find enough truth to be able to work with?

There’s probably no answer here. To my mind, it makes sense to trust those who are honest. It’d be great if everyone cared, if taking advantage of trust or ignorance never crossed a mind, but that’s rarely the case. At times interests might align, but we still need discernment to see where our paths converge or diverge. We can’t just follow blindly.

Another thing with thought, though, is that it does seem to offer freedom – beyond blind trust, it can, perhaps, see the truth and wisdom of what’s being said.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Invisible ties
Note 1: Who should we trust?
Note 1: Freedom, what to lean on & who to believe
Note 1: The value of a questioning attitude?
Note 1: What would life be if we could trust?
Note 1: Do we really need incentives?
Note 1: Complication of being human
Note 1: What’s neutral?
Note 1: The value & cost of our words

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Those who are leading us

Can we trust those currently in charge of things? The premise seems to be that we “can” and should; that society’s been set up so the “best people” for the job end up in these positions of power. Maybe it depends on your definition of best? Or maybe it’s a question of how the mechanisms of power work and whether they bring out the best or worst of human nature.

Western society seems based around some version of meritocracy: that those with the aptitude for it will rise to the top and emerge as leaders of their respective fields. Of course, it’s a way of thinking that raises so many questions around how we’re judging aptitude; the backgrounds those people often come from; and what “we” really “need” to move forward “well” as a society.

What’s our view of life? How do we see “society” and all those living within it? Which of its activities are we prioritising, and which are we leaving to develop as they will? What do our leaders see as justifiable or acceptable in pursuing their aims? How much suffering can be allowed to happen in order to push a community forward in a given direction? What “is” the picture that’s being used to lead with?

So many questions and, as history tells, no easy answers. Modern society emerges out of time-worn debates around how best to structure things; out of conversations based on a specific understanding of what things mean and the fundamental forces at play within and between people (Notes One). At its simplest, perhaps, it’s this division between those who own things and those who don’t.

And it seems the case that those in power generally belong to or act on behalf of that first group – those who inherited the carved-up assets of earlier times. Western ideas of ownership, control, and the freedom or power that come along with it are fascinating to consider if nearly impossible to unpick.

Based on that thinking, though, it seems unclear how best to “lead” such a society. Is it a system built as much on inequality as it is on greed? Can it even “work” if someone isn’t being suppressed or exploited somewhere else? Does it work if the human psyche’s not being kept in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction, longing and uncertainty? (Notes Two)

It’s a system that emerged from taking a specific path in life: decisions made, realities set in motion, the outworking of that over time as incoming generations responded to the opportunities society afforded them. Don’t we all step into society as it surrounds us? Finding a place within that pre-existing world; doing what seems wise, acceptable or beneficial within the parameters offered.

With the realities of “modern life” set in motion – perhaps, in stone – how’s this going to play out? If social and global assets have been carved up and their ownership defended this way, what paths are left for the humanity hoping to find its way forward within it all?

Notes and References:

Note 1: “Quest for a Moral Compass”
Note 1: Ethics, money & social creativity
Note 1: Entertaining ideas & the matter of truth
Note 1: Plato & “The Republic”
Note 1: Where do ideas of evolution leave us?
Note 2: The insatiable desire for more
Note 2: Attacks on our humanity
Note 2: Do we really need incentives?
Note 2: Overwhelm and resignation

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Humanity & creative instincts

Being creative can seem like a switch we have to press, a skillset we either have or we don’t, but is that really true? Isn’t it that we’re all being creative all of the time? Beyond the extreme, obvious examples of art itself or the process of human reproduction, there’s surely this massive middle ground where – with greater or lesser awareness, intention and deliberation – we’re all, constantly creating life anew through our choices.

We’re perhaps just creative beings: observing, thinking, acting (Notes One). All we do is, in a way, bringing something new to life through our attitudes, relationships, commitments, impacts, and so forth. We might quite passively create out of unexamined habits, but isn’t the result pretty much the same, in that it counts?

Because creativity seems to rest on vision – on what we imagine and believe to be possible, worthwhile or valuable. It’s understanding the world around you, seeing clearly, grasping some sense of meaning, responding with a degree of skill, and adding something to the mix. It’s perhaps an act of faith that our insight and involvement matters; that what we have to say might help somehow.

In life, then, we’re presumably creating every day? We might not believe our perspective, choices and contributions make a difference – we might feel it to be futile, that our lives don’t matter and no one notices. We might think nothing will change and there’s no point really trying. We could just continue on with our pre-existing choices, even if they seem to be causing problems.

But, despite the vision we have of what our existence might “mean”, doesn’t all this feed into the same, one reality just the same? We can create pessimistically, accidentally, intentionally, hopefully or blindly. We could just go with the flow of wherever we currently happen to be in life; repeat the same patterns over and over without quite feeling responsible for the process or the outcome.

It’s interesting to think what we create even when we don’t mean to, when it wasn’t our intention to cause those problems or elicit those reactions. If life’s our actions and reactions – all these forces emanating from our psyche, wandering the paths of our learnt behaviour to meet together with those of others – then the modern world’s a strange reality to be getting our heads around (Notes Two).

How much do we understand what we’re doing and what it’s going to mean? Who’s influencing our choices or the vision we have in mind? What wider trends are we, perhaps inadvertently, being drawn into? If all that we do is serving to create the world we’re all sharing, what are we adding and how aware are we of those realities? How much can we care about this collective creative project we’re each involved in?

It just seems that, beyond exclusive notions of what it is to be “creative”, we all play truly important parts in maintaining, upholding, sustaining, perpetuating and carrying forward what it might mean to be fully human.

Notes and References:

Note 1: The real value of creativity?
Note 1: What we create by patterns of behaviour
Note 1: Creative vision in finding solutions
Note 2: Ethics, money & social creativity
Note 2: Overwhelm and resignation
Note 2: Art as a way to subvert or inspire
Note 2: Problems & the thought that created them

Ways to share this:

“The Obstacle is the Way”

How we face up to what stands before us seems the essential human question – we see, we think, and, somehow, have to decide what to do. Do we let the world throw us off course, hem us in, or otherwise upset our balance? Should we take “how things are” and “things that happen” as a sign for us to sit back and let things be? What’s another way of responding?

It’s perhaps the question of all philosophy: how to meet life; what it means; the choices and responsibilities we have, individually and collectively; and where it all leads. It’s the sense of humans in the world, surrounded by all that world cooked up before they arrived on the scene, and what we make of the place where we stand – the face life’s turning towards each one of us (Notes One).

With “The Obstacle is the Way”, Ryan Holiday’s offering up an impressive combination of Stoic wisdom alongside examples of people who’ve lived their lives by similar principles. Starting from the words of Aurelius – “The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting… What stands in the way becomes the way” – it develops the idea of transforming life’s challenges into useful steps along our path.

Divided into “objective judgement”, “unselfish action” and “willing acceptance”, the book pulls together many wonderful and intriguing stories of people having applied themselves courageously and creatively to the circumstances they found around them. It’s certainly interesting to think that the whole repertoire of human responses is open for us all to draw strength from.

Between it all emerges a sense of staying calm, seeing clearly, finding opportunities to grow through our difficulties, then committing ourselves to dismantling, going around or simply working with the obstacles in our way. An idea of calculated risks, boldly faced – understanding reality but not letting it hold you back from your aims.

It’s a narrative of relentless persistence, learning from feedback, doing our best, and using everything to our advantage – pressing forward to gain ground and respond well to whatever life throws at us. Then, the strength of not being discouraged even when living through darker times; falling back on the firm determination, resilience and preparation of our own inner fortress.

In many ways, it’s a beautiful picture of life and powerful mindset with which to approach it. Somewhere between the warrior and the statesman, it’s an interesting blend of philosophy, daring and diplomacy: seeing things for what they are; doing what we can; enduring what we must. It’s very practical, encouraging, and good at making you feel less alone in life’s struggle.

It’s not been my way of looking at life – questioning whether we understand rightly and what our actions will mean has been my preoccupation; as what’ll happen if we’re all pursuing our own, possibly mistaken, agendas this way? (Notes Two) – but, that said, the way this book depicts using such a philosophy to move forward in life is definitely worth bearing in mind.

Notes and References:

“The Obstacle is the Way. The Ancient Art of Turning Adversity to Advantage” by Ryan Holiday, (Profile Books, GB), 2015.

Note 1: The sense of having a worldview
Note 1: Do we know what stands before us?
Note 1: David Bohm, thoughts on life
Note 1: The philosopher stance
Note 2: One thing leads to another
Note 2: Where do ideas of evolution leave us?
Note 2: Ways thought adds spin to life

Ways to share this:

Do we really need incentives?

Is it true that we need some kind of material compulsion to act, some threat or promise to motivate our engagement? It seems to be pretty commonplace thinking – as if it’s this incontrovertible fact of human nature – but is it really a sensible premise to be building our lives upon?

I suppose the reason for its prevalence is that it works? We “are” motivated by threats and promises, moving toward that which we want and away from that which we don’t. Based on that evidence, it’s a powerful means for shepherding or herding us in any given direction. So, we end up in a world of incentives and punitive sanctions, thinking it’s the way things have to be.

Just because we are influenced by such things though, does that mean it’s wise or necessary? What does it mean if, instead of being ruled and guided by reason, we’re responding on this other level of twinkly prizes or undesirable consequences? Is this an image of dangling strings in front of kittens or scaring the life out of people with urban legends?

It certainly seems to tap into our more subconscious, emotive, social sense of reasoning – our basic desires for recognition, belonging and safety; our visceral fear of being isolated, punished or left behind. It’s behavioural thinking, I’d imagine? That these are our fundamental motivators and the power of social approval or psychological reward is a useful “tool” in training the human mind, its choices and actions.

With studies into psychology, though, it seems strangely common for revelations of the human mind to be used against us more than anything else. Perhaps people are mainly interested in understanding something in order to then master it for their own ends? That’s probably not entirely true – knowledge itself is arguably neutral, it’s the motivation of those employing it for specific purposes that’s more questionable.

Unfortunately, it seems we’re living in a world where our own nature’s being turned against us. Insights from psychology or behavioural analysis seem most generally applied in the fields of marketing, spin, sales, technology, and other attempts at changing our habits, votes, actions, beliefs or interests. Isn’t it a picture of people using the latest understanding of the human mind to bend us to their idea of what’s best? (Notes One)

If that’s the scenario, what does it mean if all these other methods are being used instead of having that idea rationally explained to us? Are we, to some extent, abandoning reason when we perhaps need it most; letting ourselves be persuaded by all the tangible or intangible promises offered in its place?

It just seems that if we’re always looking for “what’s in it for me” then we’re potentially quite controllable – thinking there has to be some kind of reward or we’re not doing it right. Might it not be better to act based on the certainty of our convictions and a thorough understanding of what’s actually going on? Isn’t that a firmer foundation than our wavering psyche?

Notes and References:

Note 1: Fear or coercion as motivators
Note 1: Points of sale as powerful moments
Note 1: Attempts to influence
Note 1: What would life be if we could trust?
Note 1: The insatiable desire for more
Note 1: Questions around choice
Note 1: What’s neutral?

Approaching similar ideas from a different direction is Doing the right thing, we erase consequences.

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Ethics, money & social creativity

It’s fascinating, and daunting, to think how all our actions are connected. Perhaps they always have been, just not to this extent or with this degree of relative openness and scrutiny. While the true breadth and intention behind the commercial realities dominating global interactions might be difficult to fully grasp, it’s at least becoming possible to attempt to fathom all we’re a part of.

Where community and the transactions making up our lives used to be much more local, immediate and small-scale, modern life’s pulled us into this vast, remote and largely invisible reworking of that. It’s perhaps more or less the same, except we don’t see the consequences or understand the roles people are playing unless we choose to (Notes One).

So much can be happening in life – even quite close to home – without our knowing. Technology has this wonderful way of making us feel overwhelmingly well-informed yet perpetually distracted, with attention spans shaved down to mere seconds. Knowing how to judge, what matters, and where to focus our time and energy may well be our most pressing challenge.

Because all our actions clearly feed in “somewhere” (Notes Two). All of our words and attitudes ripple out to impact or empower others, perhaps becoming part of patterns that really need addressing. Our consumer choices all take their place in trends that push profit in one direction while often inflicting personal, social or environmental suffering elsewhere.

All we’re doing, particularly when it comes to money, surely represents “power” in the real world? We can push ourselves forward or push others back, thinking it’s only natural we benefit from our advantage. It’s a difficult world in which to establish a sense of justice; especially when so much is set in motion from the moment of birth.

Grasping the truth of modern interactions seems so important – what does it all “mean”? What’s the “right” way to act in order to support that which we wish to support and not inadvertently take part in perpetuating situations we’re wanting to eradicate? Getting to the point of understanding these systems well enough to act ethically and creatively within them could be one of our most exciting opportunities.

Not to get caught up in well-worn conversations around capitalism, Marxism or the influence of, say, Protestant ethics on financial attitudes, it’s interesting to consider the power and responsibility we all have in this.

Knowing where we stand and what our choices will mean for others must be fairly essential: given the world is as it is, what are we creating by way of the decisions we’re making? Does the profit arising from letting out property truly outweigh the cost to others of never being able to have the same security? Does cheap, convenient food justify its impact on local agriculture or distant communities?

The responsibility of knowing what our choices actually entail is such a challenge; but using those choices intentionally to truly benefit the lives of others is a beautiful thought for how we might live.

Notes and References:

Note 1: What it is to be human
Note 1: Technology as a partial reality
Note 1: Does anything exist in isolation?
Note 1: Economy as a battleground
Note 1: Interdependency
Note 2: What we create by patterns of behaviour
Note 2: Overwhelm and resignation
Note 2: Any escape from cause & consequence?
Note 2: The power of understanding
Note 2: Life’s never been simpler…

In a similar vein, “Quest for a Moral Compass” raised some interesting questions around our individual and collective realities.

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Letting people change

How easy is it to let people change? To not hold them hostage to expectations, mistakes or patterns of behaviour but let them emerge into something new; perhaps something they’ve long been hoping for and working towards. Rather than insist things stay as they have been, could we wake up fresh each morning and let them be different?

So often it seems we seek evidence, looking to the past for the picture of who people “are”: things they’ve done, choices we’ve made, the values or character portrayed by accumulated decisions, actions or attitudes. As if all these things reveal the truth of who we are – the revelation of the nature of the being who rests within it all.

What else do we have to go on? There are people’s words, their presence or general demeanour, the way they relate, and the things they choose to do (consciously or otherwise). It’s pretty much all we’ve got to work with when it comes to understanding others: how they act in the world, and what that “says” about how well they understand it and the kinds of ideas they have in mind.

Doesn’t that risk making us prisoners of the past, unable to change or grow? Isn’t change – reflecting on things, deciding to go beyond previous limitations – what life’s about, in a way? Is letting people change simply letting them “be”: flawed and trying to improve or overcome whatever seems to be holding us back? Growing, learning and doing better might well be what life “is”.

Yet it can easily seem we’re not free to change; that the past paints a picture of which we can never be free. It sometimes seems we don’t quite have a framework that takes into account the fallibility of human nature, the deeps wounds and insecurities that can derail people’s lives. Why is it that, in seeking perfection, we can be so intolerant and unforgiving of anyone missing the mark? (Notes One)

Maybe it’s part of ego and individualism? This idea of a person being a brand with a consistent image and set of qualities – masks we’re apparently supposed to construct, lock in, and defend to the hilt (Notes Two). Holding people to things they might’ve once chosen, for whatever reason, seems a strange way to be human. Not to say “who we are” doesn’t matter, because it does; but why hold it so tightly?

What would it mean, then, to let people change? To withhold judgement and allow the space for change to happen. Because change must inevitably mean breaking old habits, disappointing expectations, and seeing things in new ways. That’s not easy; but it’s also incredible how change is even possible – that humans have the power to reflect on their lives and choose otherwise (Notes Three).

To shift our ideas about life, ourselves and others we surely need to think differently, act differently, and allow the pictures we have in mind to change. How’s that ever possible if we’re seeking to set everything in stone?

Notes and References:

Note 1: Thoughts of idealism and intolerance
Note 1: The dignity & power of a human life
Note 1: Ideals & the pursuit of them
Note 1: Living as an open wound
Note 2: Masks we all wear
Note 2: Letting go of “who you are”
Note 2: Can we reinvigorate how we’re living?
Note 2: How things change
Note 3: Starting over in life
Note 3: Conversation as revelation
Note 3: All we want to do passes through community
Note 3: Humans, judgement & shutting down

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