Category: Self

The question of identity is surely a fascinating one. Are we the product of our past, of the things we’ve done, opportunities we’ve had, people we’ve encountered? Are we as we appear on the outside, the image we’ve created over our natural genetic inheritance? Or the sum of our interests, abilities, and all those expressions of the personality that resides within?

It’s probably something we all think about, or have thought about, a great deal at some stage: this sense of who we are, how we compare, where we fit into society, and how much ‘worth’ we have for others (Notes One). This idea of crafting an identity – creating a personal brand, if you will – seems quite a powerful modern preoccupation; a strange concoction seemingly born out of technology, marketing and business.

The idea of our worth wasn’t something I’d planned to touch on here but, as it’s come up, hopefully it’s clear from my writing by now that I believe we are all, without a doubt, extremely valuable (Note Two). Much of what I’m often trying to do here is unravel all the ways that’s challenged, undermined, or covered up by other things within modern society.

Leaving that aside though, there is this sense in which we have a constructed identity: a self we’ve being building around us our whole lives out of our skills, interests, inclinations, and our place within the various systems and communities encompassing the globe. A self we’ve then built our life and relationships around; hopefully creating a degree of security socially, emotionally, psychologically, financially, and professionally.

But then, of course, we pass through life and things change. At this point, the ways Western society prizes youth and sees little value in other phases of life are fairly commonplace and often quite unchallenged; much as that sets us up to battle against the very nature of our existence and constantly casts into doubt our sense of personal, social or absolute worth.

Aside from that though, our sense of identity must almost inevitably be challenged by the very process of living. As we age our looks, interests, concerns, activities and energy levels often shift. It’s a physical thing, but also part of the paths we’ve chosen to walk in terms of family or career: choices we’ve made that mean we may not have the time or freedom to live as we once did.

If, in youth, we create a picture of ourselves and who we hope or expect to become, then we’re presumably carrying along with us all these hopes and expectations around ‘who we are’, what life’s about and what matters to us. This mental overlay – a narrative of identity and meaning – that forms the storyline we’re creating about our lives.

Some bodies of thought suggest detaching from the illusion of self as the purpose of life (Notes Three); but, even without going so far, loosening our grip on ideas of identity and true worth does indeed seem a very real challenge we all face.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Intrinsic worth over social identity
Note 1: How it feels to be alive
Note 1: Masks we all wear
Note 2: Worthless, or priceless?
Note 3: Krishnamurti’s “Inward Revolution”
Note 3: Spiritually committed literature
Note 3: The ideas of Eckhart Tolle

Beyond this, what’s maybe really being highlighted is the need for independence; as in The idea of self reliance.

In youth and age vulnerability is obviously more apparent. They are times we might be unable to defend ourselves physically or psychologically from things we encounter, things that leave their mark. Times we’re much more reliant on those who happen to be around us. But maybe we’re always vulnerable – in our past, present, or some future moment – simply as part of being human?

That could be framed in terms of mortality: how physical existence is inherently precarious, susceptible as we are to illness or accident; but also those social, personal and interpersonal realities that can affect us deeply at any point in our lives.

Every stage of life presents us with differing needs and risks. In youth we’re so dependent on environment, on ideas and people we encounter; experiences which have power to shape us for life. Then, our strengths, weaknesses or wounds can become compounded by paths we take into adulthood: our relationships, patterns of behaviour, inner stability or worth. So much in life builds on what’s gone before.

So it could be reasoned we’re always, in a way, vulnerable. It seems many, if not most, people have areas of physical or psychological insecurity that could be exacerbated or shored up during the course of a lifetime. Much as we might like to insure against or push it from our minds, we all have that impactful past and live in anticipation of a more dependent future.

In many ways, our relationship with the world is slightly tenuous: we need to form social, emotional and practical ties within our environment to meet our needs for shelter, psychological security, and so forth. Our ability to understand how to do so – to recognise both our strength and vulnerability – might be the territory of education, therapy, or social networks.

In that light, how should we act? How should we treat others, and ourselves? Knowing we’ve all been influenced by the past and may bear some wounds as a result; knowing we can all be hurt now, by ourselves or by others; knowing that everyone’s just as vulnerable, much as we might seek to cover it up (Notes One). How we relate to others and deal with all that’s making its way into society are fascinating, if confronting, questions.

Because, arguably, dealing with vulnerability is the foundation of law, regulation and human rights: all the ways we expect and rely on such principles to underpin our shared existence by keeping everyone safe, ensuring that practices or people who pose a risk are ‘controlled’ somehow, and hopefully spreading social values that sustain ‘good’ ways of living alongside one another (Notes Two).

Dealing with human nature presumably comes down as much to relationships and attitudes as it does to social systems we may all turn to when needs arise. At times, we all need different levels of support, consideration or care. But the extent we may be able to contribute to the security, stability and strength of society through everyday actions might also be worth considering.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Living as an open wound
Note 1: Beauty in unexpected places
Note 1: Masks we all wear
Note 2: How we feel about society
Note 2: Laws and lawlessness
Note 2: Dealing with imperfection

Parallel to this, some of Emerson’s thoughts around what it is to be human were explored in The idea of self reliance.

Speaking from personal experience, the greatest humanity – moments of genuine consideration, awareness, concern, joy or presence – can often appear in most unexpected places.

I’m thinking of times people who are generally disparaged, misrepresented or undervalued by society and its cultural or economic systems have displayed qualities that are often quite lacking within society as a whole; things like kindness, courtesy, empathy, humour, consideration for the experiences and feelings of another.

Times when you realise someone else has noticed you and your situation, and chosen to reach out with words or gestures of humanity rather than cold indifference. To me, such moments are truly beautiful – as if something were suddenly shining through that you just weren’t expecting to see there (see Notes One). As when a flower emerges, somehow, within an expanse of concrete; showing life can find a way.

And, thinking about that, I realise judgement must also fall on me for not having expected it: that I was looking at life and prejudging in some way where such beauty or character would reside. Apparently, the human mind likes to create patterns, stereotypes, to understand and navigate its environment. This sense of whether we should expect the best or the worst that can, quite clearly, drift into labelling rather than looking.

It’s the stuff of culture, I suppose, that codifying of social realities (Notes Two); all the ways we look for trends, often judging people and simplifying the complexity of their existence as we do so. The degree to which our desire to reduce life to more manageable labels may ‘help’ us in some ways but hinder us in others seems worthwhile getting to grips with: at what point are we reinforcing or anticipating certain things?

I can see that the mind might well employ itself by creating, drawing upon or falling back on such ‘codes’ in order to navigate life successfully, safely, skilfully – to take advantage of opportunities while avoiding unnecessary risks. Maybe, in the past, smaller communities could generate such a code without it being too problematic? Culture can be seen as having helped create social cohesion through common narratives.

But now life’s so wonderfully merged, blended and combined, can we ever reach ‘labels’ that aren’t causing problems? I’d have thought it almost impossible to develop any code that might match the richness of human diversity and experience; and that any such attempt would likely be offensive to many while also not giving much true insight into the complexities of life or its potential (Notes Three).

Which in a way brings me back to my point: that, beyond the surface, there’s so much more to people than we give credit for. Surely we never really know what stands before us unless we take the time to. There’s both beauty and ugliness in our midst, but knowing one from the other isn’t as easy as it might appear and mistaking the two could cause further problems

Finding our way – appreciating what’s right before our eyes – is an interesting challenge.

Notes and References:

Note 1: The human spirit
Note 1: Worthless, or priceless?
Note 2: Culture, art & human activity
Note 2: Masks we all wear
Note 3: The worth of each life
Note 3: Seeing, knowing and loving

On a slightly separate note, “The Spirit of Community” explores attitudes that might help bind us together better; as did Community as an answer.

Fairly often in life we’re told to adopt roles, play the part, and craft how we appear to others. This idea of the image we’re presenting and how we wish to be seen; all those ways we might make an impression, hide our feelings or conceal our ‘imperfections’.

It reminds me of an exhibit I once went to on masks and how they’ve been used within drama, tradition or belief over the centuries to express different qualities and explore ways they play out. Essentially, looking at how this theatrical device can represent the traits valued or frowned upon by a community, using cultural conventions to reinforce prevailing standards for observers to then reflect upon.

Clearly there’s cultural and social value behind our use of masks: this sense of what’s considered important or praiseworthy; a sort of shorthand visual language for understanding society, where we stand within it, and how we might relate well to others. This drawing to ourselves – from the wealth of human experience – those things we feel most strongly about, that can represent us best in the eyes of others.

It’s this incredibly dynamic communication taking place between individuals and society: options are presented, paths we could walk, and we take our place among them (see Notes One). Like an ongoing social conversation where we’re all choosing our roles, our responses, within the overarching depiction of society and its values that is culture.

In that, do we simply choose a handful of things that define us best? Expressing who we are through what we choose to embody or align ourselves with; using how colour, form and cultural references interact to create new, personal meaning; pulling together our interests to form a sense of self. All the badges we wear or notes we strike from the options we’re offered; hopefully portraying ourselves in the best light.

By definition almost, that’s not truly “you” so much as a series of labels that suit or serve you well for now. It’s a complex mask that may, of course, help others understand us better; but at some point it’s likely to be constrictive or less than true. Masks can serve us in various ways, but never completely define us.

But life’s all about who we are, what matters to us, what we seek to bring into existence, and whether society recognises and reflects our true worth. In that picture, maybe culture’s the code we use, the options we have for finding our place (Notes Two): a reciprocal process of personal expression and social identity shaping how we relate to one another to create the daily drama of life.

Whether any mask can ever capture the richness of each one of us is another question entirely. Even if we were to choose all the ‘best’ masks from the full spectrum of available qualities, I’d still have thought that who we truly are would be a much more multifaceted reality emerging, as it were, from the changeable convergence of where those interests might meet.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Fashion, self & environment
Note 1: How many aren’t well represented?
Note 1: Romance, love & the movies
Note 2: Intrinsic worth over social identity
Note 2: What does art have to say about life?
Note 2: Missing something with modern culture?
Note 2: Culture selling us meaning

How many people in life are wounded? In big or little ways, it seems many might be living out of a slightly or severely damaged sense of self; impacting their choices, relationships, and feelings about their life and life itself. What can be done about that? In many ways we can’t do nothing, but figuring out what it is we should do is immensely hard.

And, of course, we may well want to forget about it and get on with enjoying our own lives. It’s tempting to say we’ll just leave them to it, that it’s not our problem and they can deal with it. There’s logic there: it’s clearly not easy addressing what are almost invariably complex problems stemming from original wounds now compounded by all the attempts someone’s made to live life despite them.

Surely all those times people turn away from or label them must further impact the wounded soul? Even from well-meaning people, recognising they’re out of their depth and unable to offer much to the situation, that could be perceived as a sign you’re not worth ‘dealing with’. More darkly, there are those who – in different ways – might prey on the wounded and lead them into even darker places.

In so many ways, wounds can be left unattended or taken advantage of: wounded individuals kind of languishing at the sidelines of a society that’s happy to rush ahead without them. And that’s not to judge, because who wants to deal with a problem that’s not their own? Who wants to form a relationship with a difficult person rather than an easygoing, confident one? It’s understandable; it’s the life we want for ourselves.

But then, if the ‘healthy’ leave the wounded to their obviously limited devices, they may be left in the hands of others who exacerbate or manipulate that pain for their own ends. For those inclined to think that way, imbalanced people are easier to ‘control’: once you know which buttons to press, which issues cut to that core of their being where they feel desperate, lost and alone. Not a cheerful picture, but maybe pretty close to reality.

What’s the answer there? We might say that ‘hurt people hurt people’; and that may well be true. We might say ‘it’s not our problem’; but that’s only partly true. As a society, if people are being wounded and there’s no real system for redressing it then, almost inevitably, it’ll become a social problem. We might want to turn away for an easier, happier life of our own; but if we do the problems will surely grow.

How we might help, bring greater understanding to our interactions, and hold the belief that anyone broken can and should be ‘healed’ are serious issues for society. Also, maybe it’s more a question of degree: many people have areas in life where they don’t feel ‘good enough’ and act out of that discomfort. While it may be more urgent for some, psychological wholeness seems important for us all.

Notes and References:

The way to be
Ways of living & those who suffer
Human nature and community life
What we bring to life
Does it matter if others suffer?
Conversation as revelation
The worth of each life

With all of this, I do personally believe we each have the capacity to make a difference – whether we’re the one suffering or those who encounter them, it’s surely always possible to heal and make changes – as explored in The human spirit.

The idea of what society “is” and how best to view our roles within it seems a fascinating question: we all form part of these overlapping, reinforcing systems of how we relate to one another personally, socially, economically and so forth. It’s essentially this web of relationships that hopefully help sustain life, providing a degree of security and forward thinking.

Within all that, there’s obviously human beings in all our wonderful diversity and uniqueness: all having walked slightly different paths, forming slightly or dramatically different views of shared realities, picking up different ways of acting within and thinking about those systems. Experiences that surely matter, becoming the face we turn to the world in all the roles we play.

For each person, messages they receive about their worth matter: all the subtle ways we’re judged, encouraged, undermined, welcomed, listened to or disregarded. Because it does seem modern society judges more than anything else, conceiving of life as a fight for scarce resources with everyone in competition (see Notes One).

Approval is scarce as we constantly need “more” if we hope to keep up with others and the pace of change. This never-ending flow of innovation, improvement or novelty we must apparently chase in order to be considered a modern, progressive human. We’re invited to wage war on our natural selves in the name of beauty, fashion or eternal youth.

Of course, part of society is developing ideas and sharing in cultural products: finding solutions, different ways of doing things, new arrangements of colour or form that become the latest trend in our ongoing visual games. There’s wonderful creativity to the human mind and a beauty to how we make this communal life out of self-expression. But it’s also just business.

Our position within society – that conversation between self and community, where we fit, how we’re seen, whether it values who we are – now largely seems an economic question. We only choose from what’s offered, positioning ourselves one way or another in relation to the “standards” of culture and advertising (Notes Two).

So much in that comes down to money: a lot of what’s valued is stuff that can be bought, and to get money you must play the game. Yet the field’s been set and the outcome’s pretty clear from the start; the parameters of this conversation aren’t really up for discussion.

In that picture, human worth effectively comes down to narrowly defined windows of approval that, conveniently, serve various industries extremely well while keeping most of us in this perpetual state of anxiety as we battle to keep up in a world where each passing day arguably diminishes our value (Notes Three).

Does it need to be that way? Does it serve us? It might be a wonderful economic model – a captive audience seeking to belong – but it makes me wonder what life might be like if we were truly appreciated for all we’ve overcome, all we strive to bring to life through roles we all play within society.

Notes and References:

Note 1: The worth of each life
Note 1: Ways of living & those who suffer
Note 2: “Women who run with the wolves”
Note 2: “Wisdom” by Andrew Zuckerman
Note 2: Complicity and cultural attitudes
Note 3: Fashion, self & environment
Note 3: Culture, art & human activity

Shifting to a specific example, the idea of modern thinking impacting how we live together was explored in Real estate, rental and human nature.

Fairly often my writing can drift, a little unexpectedly, into some quite weighty concerns about humanity and modern life. And while I generally try to lift things toward being slightly more optimistic, at times what’s emerged seems pretty valid. Like last week’s post on Value and worth in our relationships, asking about how we relate to others.

I’ve talked before about how modern society often equates our worth with financial considerations (see Notes One), which could be seen as almost undeniable at this point in time. But is it truly the case, or is such thinking merely the product of our social ideas and systems?

Not wanting to get drawn into political issues, I’m simply asking about the worth of a human life: is our value as a person in any way to be equated with money? Money being a system for valuing goods, property, assets – does that have any place in estimations of humanity? It might be quantifiable, it might be how we’ve come to manage society, but surely a line has to be drawn somewhere.

Of course, practically speaking, money does shape our lives: our opportunities and difficulties; goods and services we have access to; how others tend to treat us and the power we have as a result. All of that’s “true”. Within our societies and between them, money carries weight and influence people won’t want to relinquish. But beyond understanding “how things are”, are we really evaluating people on this basis?

I get that we need ways of relating, of differentiating our positions within society. Human community is clearly a set of relationships and a way of coordinating our activities to support the needs of that collective entity. Historically, social structures have reflected the power individuals have had in controlling key aspects of that system, guiding or dictating how people related to one another within it.

My question, if I’m allowed to ask it, is whether we might be sorely mistaken in thinking this way. It’s not an easy question. My writing here’s always most difficult when touching on modern attitudes that seem to be passing unchallenged (Notes Two). It’s hard to write when my point seems to be that “the elderly are still people, deserving of respect”. Surely such things shouldn’t need to be said?

But apparently we live in a world where we can talk of people “adding value”, “being a drain on society”, “costing others dearly” or not being “worthwhile” in various ways. Can we apply maths to humanity in this way, or are we crossing a line when we do so?

When my thoughts amble in this direction I find myself wondering if I should pursue them or cut them short. Is that even a valid question? Can such concerns be left unraised or, as a human, would I be inhuman to not consider them worthwhile? We, as people, live in a world of things and, therefore, money; but surely we’re wrong to think a human life is anything less than invaluable.

Notes and References:

Note 1: The value of each human being
Note 1: Economy & Humanity
Note 1: I am not just a sum
Note 2: What inspires all of this
Note 2: Morality and modern thought
Note 2: “Wisdom” by Andrew Zuckerman

Looking to how we might respond differently in life, see: Need to stand alone & think for ourselves, The idea of self reliance, or The human spirit.

Human psychology is so incredibly fascinating: all the little ways every one of us is different as life, relationships, culture, society, opportunities, and that base note of our fundamental character, interests and outlook blend together into these undeniably unique individuals. Ways we – as people – meet with reality, respond to it, form our ideas around life, then act out of that understanding to continue reshaping our world.

It astounds me at times how all those complex and interwoven processes get reduced to relatively simple models, theories and opinions about what drives people and what it is we’re doing here. There’s such beauty and deep truth in all those aspects of being human. But then, of course, there are the practicalities of life; and maybe models and theories help us gain a foothold in navigating that.

Finding the right balance between respecting individual paths in life and pressing forward collectively is the kind of problem that could stop you in your tracks completely. If we wish to take our own existence as being deeply significant and worthy of respect, then logically we should apply the same courtesy to all others. But how could that work out, practically? That may not be a question we can answer.

But, on a smaller scale, it often seems we take our own way of being and see it as more or less the right way to be. We’ve lived a little, decided who we are, made the most of our choices, formed opinions and beliefs, then we seem to stand by that, defend it and hold others up against our own standards and experiences.

Which takes us back to the realm of psychology: how we form a self, relate ourselves to society, and then use that ‘security’ to make our way in life. Of course, we arguably need to limit our options, close some doors, define ourselves in order to have this firmer sense of identity from which to act – so others can know who we are and paths become clearer.

It just interests me, because by doing all this we’re effectively making our selves the standard by which we judge things. It seems a process that creates conflict, as we’re drawn to those who share our views and struggle to understand those who don’t. In all the richness and diversity of life (see Notes One), all these battle lines are being drawn between us.

Just because something is ours, we like it and there’s a history behind it, does that make it right or true? How much of our personal identity is firmly tied up with the paths we’ve walked, choices we’ve made, and needing to feel secure about it all?

Stopping short of becoming too philosophical, it’s surely all a little strange. If we were truly secure within ourselves – knowing our experiences and choices to be personal, fleeting and limited – could we not instead be more curious about the many ways we are different, and all that that could bring to our lives together?

Notes and References:

Note 1: “Women who run with the wolves”
Note 1: What are we thinking?
Note 1: How it feels to be alive
Note 1: Is anything obvious to someone who doesn’t know?
Note 1: Communicating divergent experiences

It intrigues me to discover how people experience life. Not only in the sense of being within another culture or living through society in different times or ways, but also the idea of how we relate to being in our body and how that plays itself out.

Because it seems some people feel quite at home, that their body is clearly a part of them and dressing it up to express how they’d like to be seen is second nature. Facts like having to move through space, actions having consequences, and needing to achieve some state of regularity in order to create stability for your existence don’t seem cause for concern.

In other cases, people might feel their form to be this slightly detached, almost alien thing that bears little relation to how they experience life. As if it has nothing really to do with them and adorning it for the impression it has on others seems a fairly mysterious process – this masquerade ball of cultural reference points you tie round your neck or place on your feet.

Those being but two extremes of how we might experience life in the human body, I’d imagine there’s other ways individuals may feel about the practicalities of physical existence. And surely it has significant implications?

If you feel your body to be a remote appendage you likely live quite an inward life, struggling to inch down into that space and relate yourself to the world. You’d maybe find it hard to manage life, given that maintaining physical existence requires consistency (whether we’re talking plants, diet and exercise, work or finances). You might find less common ground with those operating more effortlessly in the everyday realities of life.

Whereas, at the other extreme, it’s presumably much easier to find your way in the world: reading its signs, playing its games, and generally fitting in without too much trouble. You might quite happily choose a look, create a lifestyle, build some stability. Bringing ideas to life is probably more straightforward, one thing leading to another.

This isn’t a normal topic, I’m aware, but it fascinates me how this fundamental sense of being might shape our lives. Presumably how you feel on this level – how comfortable, in control, at ease, confident, safe – would filter into your general outlook on life, into all your actions and relationships with the world. I suppose it’s this sense of consciousness existing in matter, relating to it and living through it.

It’s clearly something that interests me, the interplay of thought and reality (see Notes One). But I’d not really thought, before trying to write this, about how far it might affect someone’s life: this sense of comfort, agency, belonging. I mean, if that way of being makes perfect sense to you then you’d probably find your feet in life much faster.

Of course it’s weird to see yourself as an appendage, but maybe in seeking to understand the diversity of life we need to break away from the norm?

Notes and References:

Note 1: What is real?
Note 1: Thoughts on art & on life
Note 1: Mirrors we offer one another
Note 1: What if it all means something?
Note 1: The philosopher stance

Life is clearly incredibly complex; however we choose to look at it. Rather than a simple existence, settled in one place, the future largely mapped before you – as it seemingly once was – we’re now faced with a strangely fast-moving, ever-shifting reality where actions have impacts on a scale previously unimaginable.

Maybe it’s always been the case that we “meet” the world through family, community, peers, culture and society; becoming a product of our time and place, shaped by all we find about us and how we learn to relate to it all (see Notes One). This infolding and outworking of ideas, attitudes and their consequences may be a philosophical view of life, but might also be quite practical (Notes Two).

Modern life certainly seems very different from what’s gone before though: the things that influence us, the ways we relate, the ideas behind both those realities. Where life used to be fairly tightly held in terms of beliefs and conventions, the complete opposite now seems the case. Yet all these things still shape us, changing how we view one another and what we consider to be important.

Given the global nature of our connections, maybe it’s also that we’re much more aware of this complexity. We can know how our choices serve to shape the lives of others in distant corners of the planet; all our actions effectively forming part of these vast chains, making up the systems and tendencies of the modern world.

It’s fascinating to contemplate how relatively simple ideas have spread so quickly, reshaping how things are through the real world impacts of information, technology, or economic behaviour (Notes Three). Also how, while we’ve maybe never been so powerful in many ways, the paths to take in life are far from clear. It seems easier to lose the sense of yourself.

And that, I suppose, is the point I’m trying to pin down here: that within all this complexity of pace, choice and information there’s still just the self that’s trying to make sense of things and hopefully build a meaningful life within it all.

We might have the power that comes from knowledge; the freedom that comes with breaking the restraints of physical limitations or cultural traditions and the like; but finding the point where we can bring all this to bear within our lives must, in a way, be more difficult than ever.

The systems that make up how we live, although familiar, must be more complex now; as is our awareness of all the wonderful divergence spanning the globe from the past, the present, and the countless differing views we might hold about life itself. Then there’s the strange knowingness of how we live, the self-assured confidence of our particular brand of understanding as we strike our own path through the opportunities offered.

Seeing through all this to what we’re actually doing, how we’re treating one another, what we’re creating now and for the future – finding our place within it all – surely isn’t easy.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Mirrors we offer one another
Note 1: Human nature and community life
Note 1: Learning to be human
Note 2: Thoughts on art & on life
Note 2: Nature tells a story, about the planet
Note 2: David Bohm, thoughts on life
Note 3: The web and the wider world
Note 3: Modern media and complex realities
Note 3: Economy & Humanity

Looking further at appearances and realities, there’s Patience with the pace of change.