Category: Self

Often when writing I find myself wandering into philosophy and thinking about the nature of human life; and I suspect that’s because it seems to me that society should serve humanity. Surely societies arose to serve humans, to structure activities and stories so communities could sustain themselves with both resources and a sense of identity, purpose or meaning. That seems one way of conceptualising it, at least.

So when talking about things like economics or modern culture, I find myself looking at what it all means for us as individuals – for each and every human existing within these systems of production, consumption, marketing, and social status (see Notes One).

Which I find interesting, because it could be labelled as political or idealistic or in some way spiritual but it’s also simply a human philosophy: that each of us matters; that we all contribute in countless ways to the systems we inhabit; and that economic worth or power doesn’t necessarily correlate in the slightest to personal value.

Because when it comes to modern society it seems our estimations are generally financial: we look at worth, at the value of our contributions, at the status and lifestyle all that buys us. But, more than that, our lives also serve to maintain or uphold important social systems built upon our values, character, principles and convictions, relationships, and involvement.

The words and attitudes we extend to others and display in our daily lives surely underpin society in ways we may not even understand let alone fully appreciate (Notes Two). The way we are gives a human face to how we’re all living and the ideas embodied there. If we choose to be honest, consistent, caring, and take time to relate genuinely to others then who’s to say that doesn’t vastly outweigh those other ways of quantifying our value for society?

What matters more at the end of the day? Of course, financial realities do matter and have a real impact on how we may spend our time and feel about ourselves; but that way of seeing things also seems to spill out into all these other areas where it arguably has no place: our worth as human beings and members of society should have nothing to do with money.

And it just bothers me in countless ways when aspects of our shared cultural life effectively get reduced to money, to the clothes and makeup and other lifestyle choices that cloak our true worth or seek to sell us something. All the times certain things are praised and others mocked, when they’re almost completely outside our control. Culture often seems more divisive than inclusive, and more commercial than anything else.

Sometimes I wonder if this way of reflecting on life even matters that much; if understanding what’s going on and how it might be affecting us is that important when ultimately it’s simply ‘how things are’ (Notes Three). But to say it doesn’t matter is to say we don’t matter; and I think we do.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Created a system we seek to escape?
Note 1: Ways of living & those who suffer
Note 2: Mirrors we offer one another
Note 2: Does it matter if others suffer?
Note 2: “People Skills”
Note 3: Intrinsic values on the paths for change?
Note 3: How do we find a collective vision?

In various ways, we start out with high ideals – dreams of how things can be and principles we value dearly – but almost inevitably end up in some kind of compromise. And we might say that’s just how life is, that the ideals of youth cannot last in the real world; but there’s often a bitterness mixed in with that, a part of us still hoping for more.

This idea of compromise cropped up already in relation to spiritual ideas, artistic collaboration, and also education (see Notes One); areas where vision meets reality and struggles to realise its intentions in a flawed and pressured world. More fundamentally, this can become an attitude to life itself (Note Two).

Which I guess is this basic conflict between ideas and reality, thought and actions. We might have ideas of how life can be, but so much depends on the world around us with its systems and collective behaviour patterns: we have to make ends meet, get along with others, and also accept the inability of changing their ideas or effecting immediate change ourselves.

So it seems compromise is part of life, however much we might search for all-embracing solutions and seek to make a valuable contribution to human society.

And in a way this often comes down to money; that’s the factor that bends people’s ideals in a practical sense or makes them appear compromised by the agendas of business or the temptation of personal gain. Money being this fact of life, this way we must trade our dreams and efforts in order to make a living (Note Three).

Money seems to be set against us as we seek to realise our ideals in life; given how we need it to sustain ourselves or facilitate more organised commercial activity. It’s hard to avoid compromise in all that, yet, for many, the truth and value of what you say can be tainted as soon as you accept money or make a decision guided by it.

To take a fairly recent example, Casey Neistat felt the need to address accusations of selling out (link below). It’s an interesting video for many reasons, and I’m not entirely familiar with the background of his career and those responses to it; but it seems people take offence at the financial transaction and the associated loss of something perceived as genuine. Essentially though, it’s a heightened version of what I’m talking about.

It’s a complicated situation: we all have our ideals and also our compromises; and it seems we want to see ideals find their place in the world through the activities of others but get disillusioned or frustrated at the compromises we also see there.

For me, it’s a flawed system and most people simply try the best they can; and of course there tend to be less-than-ideal compromises in business. But bringing ideals to life is incredibly hard, so maybe being more understanding of our idealistic imperfections or compromises might be a better way to move forward together.

Notes and References:

Casey Neistat “Millionaire YouTube SELLOUT” https://youtube.com/watch?v=BQ_z48aJD5o

Note 1: The business of spiritual ideas
Note 1: Art, collaboration & commodification
Note 1: Education, society & the individual
Note 2: Mental health relative to modern times
Note 3: Life and money, seamlessly interwoven

Ideas around thought, reality and ideals are also explored in What inspires all of this.

The idea of human worth and how we value our lives or the contributions we make has come up a few times already (see Notes One), and seems quite fundamental to how we view life and one another: is money (and all it brings) what really matters most, or is there more to life than that?

In many scenarios we can either look to the financial value and cost of things or give weight to other concerns (Note Two). We can look purely to the economics and the ‘certainty’ that may seem to offer, making that the overriding method of assessment, or set other priorities and maybe even assign greater value to them. And, as in that post, I wonder how much wisdom can come from an economic reckoning.

To my mind, money is but one way of assessing worth and doesn’t necessarily say anything that valuable or definitive; it tells a certain story, but that mightn’t be the most interesting or insightful story to hear about a person (Note Three).

Surely economic realities just range somewhere on the spectrum between excessive and maybe undeserved wealth or poverty, then a middle ground where people generally stand a reasonable chance of progressing somewhat from their starting point. Essentially, that money makes money and those without that foundation tend to struggle much more to gain a footing in that realm.

Of course reality’s more complex than that, as many factors and systems support these things: education, background, existing structures, cultural representations, lingering social preconceptions, so many subtle influences seem to shape and reinforce how society functions. In many ways all that seems like a dense web of often subconscious or unexamined ideas that maintain and preserve ‘how things are’.

And, in a sense, life can be reduced to numbers; it’s undeniably one way of looking and evaluating how things are going, and that’s certainly useful in a certain light. But where do we draw the line and place the equally (if not more) important human face on the picture we’ve created? For me the problem arises when that ‘other side’ is left out or downplayed, when we don’t seek to appreciate the realities behind the figures (Notes Four).

Because, while there’s an economic side to everyone’s life and work, I’m not sure it deserves all the weight it currently carries. As, generally speaking, there doesn’t always seem much correlation between financial worth and other important qualities. It’s great when these do align, but often incredible strength of character and human spirit can be found in unexpected places and lacking in others.

So while we are all economic beings in a way, we’re undeniably also human and social beings; with all our systems and beliefs placing us in relation to one another. And all the time ‘our worth’ is aligned predominantly with money then attempting to rework our imperfect systems becomes problematic. Finding ways to give voice to those other values, experiences and perspectives might be difficult, but could also be quite life-affirming.

Notes and References:

Note 1: The value of each human being
Note 1: Learning to be human
Note 2: Values and the economic
Note 3: Intrinsic worth over social identity
Note 4: Morality and modern thought
Note 4: Reality as a sense check

This topic very much underpins all I talk about here and seems so fundamental to how we live our lives: we might need others, value their ideas, and enjoy their company but ultimately we must make our own decisions as we have to live by them.

These days so much effort is seemingly being made to shape our opinions and actions; whether in politics, lifestyle or consumer behaviour. There’s this flood of information, reaction, persuasion, and distraction that at times makes it hard to know which way to turn or what truly matters. But we do need to craft a response, because our words and actions impact all those around us.

And, in terms of winning people over, surely if certain views are correct then a conversation would be more respectful than an argument, as it leaves others free to assimilate a wider perspective that may then shift their conclusions (see Notes One). The idea of defeating someone with truth makes very little sense to me.

At some point, I encountered a definition of values that suggested they must be freely chosen, understood, cherished, defended, and acted upon. If that’s the level of inner engagement that leads to someone standing firmly with their ideas, then leaning on others or accepting their thoughts after having been beaten round the head with them doesn’t equate in my eyes.

We live in highly complicated and fast moving times where so much is shifting, so many ideas and ways of being are changing hands, and so much that offered stability or security is being stripped away. That flood of information mentioned earlier is now fairly constant, and also abstract: what can we do with these things we now know about?

Yet, in the face of all that – both the modern way of life and the waves of information accompanying it – we somehow have to find our way forwards. Do we think and act as those near us do? Do we argue with anyone who chose a different path? Or can we trust our own understanding, while retaining an open mind for the bigger picture?

For me, that last option seems strongest: to think for yourself, but listen to others. It really seems we need to find a degree of solid ground with regard to understanding the world, the information we’re presented, and the extent we can be sure of having reached our best estimation of the truth. Reality must be astoundingly complex, but I feel we can grasp enough of it to develop informed, independent ideas while bearing in mind they may not be completely right and we will likely need to alter them.

I’m not entirely convinced that’s currently being cultivated through our cultural life or social structures (Notes Two); but, given its importance for democratic and lifestyle choices, hopefully things can develop to the point where we’re all able to share our thoughts, change those we see as mistaken or incomplete, and base our lives on the firmest wisdom we can find.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Communication and the process of change
Note 1: Does truth speak for itself?
Note 2: Individual responsibility, collective standards
Note 2: Age, politics and human reasoning
Note 2: Media and responsibility
Note 2: Education’s place within society

The Change & Communication theme page also takes a broader overview of the ideas touched upon here.

The idea of human value and self-worth is both fascinating and important: how we view our selves, our limitations, and the changing nature of our psychological and physical lives; and equally, how we see and relate to others.  In all of that, there’s the social side we weave together but also the inner journey we all take through life.

The tendency to judge one another based on physical, economic or social standards may be normal (see Notes One), but it’s also fairly meaningless and divisive. Given how so much is determined by birth and environment, what a person makes of ‘their lot in life’ must say infinitely more about who they truly are. And for society to place so much value on things that can be bought seems strange: these masks of perfection, power or privilege that impart identity and self-esteem.

But all that’s a part of life: how we fit in, what others see in us, the opportunities we have, and our relationships with those around us. That picture essentially gives us a sense of who we are and what we mean within society. And there are undoubtedly complex interconnections between self, society, and the storylines offered us by culture (Notes Two).

It just seems modern society pushes us towards human estimations based on external trappings that are largely beyond our control. Is it right to view people that way, based on where they happen to exist in the socio-economic pockets of a divided society? Are we right to socially and financially reward those who ‘win the hereditary lottery’? Is that what it is to be human?

Life seems to be this path of being born into a given situation; shaped by your physical, emotional and social environment; then by the wider influences of community, education, and prevailing sociocultural trends. The personal journey being that question of who we truly feel ourselves to be, how well our conditioning suits or serves us, what we wish to become, and how we feel about the society we find ourselves within.

For me, life is then this sense of working our way beyond both the gifts and limitations of our early existence. Making the effort to understand and accept who we are and how we came to be that way; to overcome that in whatever ways we see fit; and hopefully to become the best self we’re capable of. And alongside that, the idea of seeking to improve the society we’ve come to know: contributing in countless large and small ways to iron out problems and bring greater humanity to bear, whatever our station in life.

A culture based on a thorough knowledge and mastery of self and a conscious understanding of and contribution to society seems a beautiful picture of responsible humanity; and, in that light, a person’s worth becomes more a sense of how they’re managing to live their own unique life. That path is different for each and every one of us, but surely it’s always a worthwhile striving.

Notes and References:

Note 1: Value of each human being
Note 1: Attitudes to elder members of society
Note 1: What do we see in beauty?
Note 2: Relating to cultural benchmarks
Note 2: How many aren’t well represented?
Note 2: Mirrors we offer one another

Also What makes a good life, where I spoke briefly of the idea that life is what we make of it.

I hesitated over my choice of title here as “complicity” is a fairly loaded word, but it more or less fits: notions of associates or allies, things we do alongside others, also of ‘folding together’ and the sense of individual actions forming part of a complex whole. Because what I want to talk about is how our personal choices and the attitudes that often accompany them serve to create a shared cultural reality.

Here I’m meaning things like beauty, age, appearance, or other benchmarks against which we judge others (see Notes One). It seems we maintain certain standards with our actions, our communication, and our subtle estimations of one another. And, to my mind, that all carries with it a structure of thought around human worth and acceptable ways to view people (one way of understanding culture).

For example, we could talk of conventions around what’s fashionable in clothing, values and interests; or generally adhered to practices of colouring hair or creating illusions of youth. The ways we cast an eye over others, seeing how they compare; and how it’s apparently increasingly normal to assign status in this way.

Which is what it is; a society’s cultural life can be seen as comprising of such ideas, customs, and social behaviour. But, for a term originating in the Latin for growing, tending and cultivation, I wonder how much modern culture serves us and where things might lead.

It seems cultural practices traditionally arose to bind people together with meaning, whereby we knew where we stood. These days, many of our standards have surely arisen out of commerce – whether that’s beauty and lifestyle industries, entertainment and fashion circles, or a combination thereof. Many aspects of life seem to have stepped into these commodified forms, where products and services are presented as modern cultural life.

My concern with that is how our sense of human worth is then defined in large part by industry, by people seeking to sell and to create a market. So something essentially human becomes something commercial, run with very different ideas in mind. Which is a slightly different topic, but it’s relevant in the sense of whether we’re going along with something natural that is in our best interests.

Looking at the social principles accompanying modern cultural ideals, they seem quite divisive. We’re inundated with images and language asserting that we’re worth less if we don’t have certain things or adhere to these ideas (see Notes Two). But are young people really more relevant or interesting than older ones? Is grey hair or a lack of makeup genuinely a cause for despair? Does beauty or the pursuit of fashion honestly set us apart from others in a meaningful way?

Humans are surely social creatures, and our shared cultural life forms a large part of that. It just seems much of modern culture essentially attacks and sets us against one another, with often impossible and self-defeating ideas of what’s worthwhile. And it’s something we all form a part of.

Notes and References:

Note 1: What do we see in beauty?
Note 1: Relating to cultural benchmarks
Note 2: How many aren’t well represented?
Note 2: Attitudes to elder members of society
Note 2: How many things are cycles (we could break)

Also Mirrors we offer one another, which considered the complex interrelationships between self and society.

Recently I read someone saying how they were waiting to experience love as it is in the movies; which led me to wondering how these cultural images influence our personal life experiences, as well as what ‘love’ itself is all about.

In modern culture, the notion of romantic love often appears to be shorthand for meaning, success, worth, and various other things. Shorthand both in the sense that these ‘relationships’ often rush to hasty endpoints for the sake of viewing figures, and in that much seems to be skipped over (things like character, realities, difficulties).

Of course, no two relationships are alike and we all seek different things in our lives, but what ideas are we being sold? Is our self-worth, our social value dependent upon a romantic relationship? As in Relating to cultural benchmarks, I question what that really says about us. Often relationships seem to be practical economic or psychological arrangements; offering material, emotional, and social reassurance through the presence of another who reaffirms your views and priorities.

My view tends to be that relationships aren’t so much a place for seeking or strengthening the sense of self, as a venue for transformation and growth between independent partners. I don’t feel being part of a couple says anything fundamental about your worth, given that we are all individuals, complete within ourselves, and life doesn’t need to be so prescriptive in how we understand or evaluate one another.

Looking at movies, they tend to make ‘the couple’ the centre of attention, with all others serving to facilitate or challenge that relationship. In storytelling, that makes sense; but in life it seems combative. Are single people always ‘a threat’ or an inscrutable phenomenon? Are issues always so black and white, with one person gaining exclusivity, or is life more nuanced?

Then, in terms of intimacy, it seems we’re presented with many questionable scenarios and encouraged to accept them as normal. Surely – as with relationships themselves – we are talking of people’s inner selves, their dreams or insecurities, their difficulties in life, and their sense of worth. All areas demanding care, clarity, respect, and compassion; rather than unnecessary comparison with movie star standards.

I suppose we are storytelling creatures, inclined toward casting our life journey into a storyline of the self (especially when that approach is pushed at us through both culture and advertising). But what are relationships, and how do they relate to the self? Are we seeking reflection (see Mirrors we offer one another), security, or acting out our own story? Are cultural representations a sign of reality or something more symbolic (as explored in How many aren’t well represented?).

For me, modern culture frequently overlooks the truth of things while surrounding us with impossible and unhelpful notions. Romance could be this mystery of people sharing their true selves with another, not in a limiting but in a living way; this place where life can unfold and personalities can develop, rather than an often slightly stale recipe without true substance.

This blog, these writings, are my way of trying to express how I see things. Sometimes that’s quite complex, it can also be feisty or a little blunt, and at times it’s more poetic or nebulous. This post is probably the latter. It’s not a recipe for a good life, but an idea as to what a good life may be.

Life for me can be seen as an interplay of light and dark, good and bad, as in art: the line taken between these elements, the tension and its resolution. So we are all these unique actors dealing with our own mix of the dark and the light, trying to find the dance, the way of moving between and resolving this tension of opposites. Clearly there are as many dances as there are people, but the creative activity of “finding our way” and turning it for good seems to be one way of looking at life.

What’s probably becoming clear is that I question quite a lot of the cultural or social attitudes of our times and, to be clearer, when I do so it’s more to stretch out the conversation in an attempt to provide space for re-evaluating things. In that light, today’s topic is beauty.

I talked a little in Age, Image & Self Worth about the correlation between outer appearances and inner qualities, and that’s pretty much my starting point here. Then, I spoke of beauty being mainly associated with youth and how the notion of beauty as we age may lie more in the realm of truthful resonance between the inner self and the outer form we offer the world.

However, we live in a society which embraces more superficial ideas on beauty: concealing imperfections or signs of time, creating illusions with makeup and fashion, asserting our individuality through consumer choices, praising and rewarding those blessed with looks coinciding with current trends. This isn’t said dismissively, none of this is necessarily bad and much of it seems part of shared culture and meaning.

My main concern, as touched upon in Relating to cultural benchmarks and How many aren’t well represented?, is the extent to which it’s wise to assess people’s inner worth based on such external markers.

There’s a book by Edward de Bono called “How to Have a Beautiful Mind” which starts from the premise that inner qualities are more lasting, more important to cultivate than the pursuit of externalities destined to fade or alter. I do wonder to what extent that’s true in today’s society – it seems superficial concerns can get you a long way in our fast-paced world of image, aesthetic, branding etc. Honestly, I see very little motivation today for people to develop character and inner beauty.

It’s something I imagine we’re aware of from a young age. For some reason we often seem blinded or caught up in the beautiful, losing sight of other factors. There’s certainly an ‘unfairness’ there, but I think it’s one we accept and perpetuate in many ways.

I could argue beauty is often inverse to character: that those blessed in this respect are even less motivated to develop inwardly as others tend to defer to them and desire their presence regardless. But I imagine it may well be a double-edged sword: to be treated favourably without needing to make effort, possibly having your wisdom ignored in the process may be a burden for the beautiful.

For me, appearance – be that looks, age, belongings, or whatever else – doesn’t register as much as the way a person is, how they relate, the ideas they hold and their willingness to share them, to listen, to care, to change their mind. Sometimes that correlates to looks, sometimes it doesn’t – some people are just beautiful souls, and that shines through regardless.

This may be a strange confession, but I often find myself feeling slightly envious of older people.

When I see an older couple dressed to take in a show, the man carefully tripping by his lady’s side and proudly holding her arm. Or an older gentleman greeting someone with a subtle nod or gesture. Sometimes in a supermarket when the chivalry extends to modern interactions with shopping trolleys and lane etiquette. Often when I see someone aging well – wearing beautiful shades for their colouring, somehow expressing both the grace of age and the playfulness of their youth in how they style themselves, or when the twinkle of someone’s eye lets you know they know far more than you’d imagine and that an intriguing personality resides within.

In part, I think it’s how they’ve time travelled from a different era. Elder generations have lived through so many different realities with style and character, and that’s often quite beautiful. It’s also connected to what I was trying to say with Age, Image & Self Worth – that there’s more to human nature than meets the eye. Overall though I just love self-expression and truth, so the blending of honest aging with the human values more evident in how we used to live was probably always going to be a winning combination.

Then I see elderly people seeming anxious in public, as if they feel alone and full of worries and uncertain who to trust or where to turn. Which I can well imagine – the pace of life and the way people relate has changed so much in their lifetime, and the tone of the news must seem frightening to those already feeling isolated and less able.

There also often seems a tone of condescension in how these people are spoken to, which concerns me at times as to me it’s more an attitude of respect or reverence that seems due. OK they might not understand about iPhones or Twitter, but technology is more an overlay of human activity not a reason to see someone as irrelevant or less human. They may talk more slowly, more deliberately, and look at life with different eyes – focussing on smaller realities, subtleties, concerns – but that may be how they see things.

Of course, there’s a communication challenge – younger generations live at a new pace and communicate differently apparently; modern life is demanding and incessant, so finding the time needed to connect across these boundaries is hard; and we don’t seem to live in a culture that prizes the art of conversation but rather the efficacy of whatever it is we are doing.

I would just love for society to genuinely value all aspects of life and give a real voice to that without falling back on stereotypes that discount the subtle strengths different generations offer.